I was told many years ago by one of my teachers that as yogis we get to respond rather than react. And to my surprise I had never considered the two possible outcomes. You see, I’m a redhead and as fiery and reactionary as they come. I’ve even been known to break up with boyfriends without a discussion because I didn’t like something I perceived they did. In my family we call it the F-you card. It’s a default reaction, a defense mechanism really, and it’s not pretty.

Point being, my reactions were almost always unfounded and never lead to an outcome I desired. I was a victim to my emotions, allowing my reactions to dictate my experiences. But I never knew it. Mainly because I had never considered another option, or, really, a different way of being.

Without getting too deep into it, the style of yoga I teach, Anusara, is founded on a Tantric philosophy of radical affirmation that is above all else empowering. While we cannot dictate the ways in which other people will behave towards us, and things that we don’t necessarily like will ultimately happen seemingly to us, we can always choose how we respond. By responding rather than reacting, we empower ourselves to choose our experiences.

But how do we do that? It starts with the breath –– a pause. A softening, or an opening to grace as we say in Anusara yoga.

Reactions are hard, rigid. By reacting, you do not allow for the time and space necessary to make a decision as to how you’d like to respond. You might’ve even noticed you hold your breath when you’re in reaction mode, literally stopping the flow of life. So the first thing we do as yogis in the face of adversity is soften. The easiest way to soften is by deepening your breath.

The second step towards empowerment is awareness. You have to be aware that everything is a choice, that even reacting is a choice you’re making. When you’re aware of why you’re doing what you’re doing, you get to choose what it is you want to do.

The flip side of empowerment is responsibility. Because we are no longer living in victim mode, but instead have empowered ourselves with the freedom of choice, we are ultimately responsible for our experiences. In other words, we are responsible for our own happiness. And that’s what all of this boils down to.